Why Am I The Way I Am?

I’ve been labeled stubborn, a perfectionist, a hen-pecker, a hard worker, a worrier, obsessive compulsive, and that I’m my own worst critic.

Why do I act this way?

When I was 19, my first internship in the entertainment industry was at an all black production company. It was a time I affectionately refer to as, “7 black guys, and me.”

These were all amazing people. A couple of them were suburb kids, but the majority of them overcame poverty, strife, drugs, and other obstacles to become producers and executives.

The President of the company was pretty impressive. I’ll never forget one day, we were talking, and I had screwed up doing something and I apologized, because growing up in New England, I thought that’s what you did. You apologized and moved on. Instead of accepting the apology, he turned to me and said, “Don’t apologize, just do better.”

These people had more to live up to than just good intentions. They felt they had a responsibility to their communities and to their families, but more importantly, to themselves. They felt they had to accomplish more because of where they came from, and the only way to do that was to work harder than everybody else from back home. They had to accomplish what they set out to do, or else there was no point in doing it.

That summer, working with these amazing people had a very profound impact on me. It taught me that at the end of the day, all the good intentions and apologies in the world won’t change anything if you have nothing worthwhile to show for it.

It doesn’t matter how you want to act one day in the distant future, or what you wanted to achieve when you did that thing last weekend but didn’t get around to the big matters at hand. All that matters is what you accomplish right now!

So, I am in a constant state of asking myself, what am I doing right?

What could I do better?

How will what I do benefit the people around me?

What am I excited about in my life?

Who do I love and who loves me?

What am I doing that’s great and worthwhile?

What is not perfect yet?

What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it?

How can I do what is necessary to get the job done and enjoy it?